Friday, January 8, 2010
Tired, lazy days of winter
I don't want to be a lazy girl. But, I also don't want to ignore my body & spirit. How exactly does one tell the difference? Am I moving slowly and consuming copious amounts of hot chocolate and clementines today because I am lazy, or because it is what my body/mind/spirit/growing baby need me to do? Since I don't think beating myself up over it will accomplish anything, I am opting to believe it is what I/my baby need me to do today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. ;-)
Monday, January 4, 2010
Life and the akashic records
I have not been doing my akashic record work as I should. I have been a bit overwhelmed since Christmas. Added to all the things stuffed into the last week, Jim threw his back out and has been recovering. Which means he has been watching tv in our room while in a horizontal position instead of being in the basement in the tv room. Since I usually do my metaphysical work in our room, his back going out gave me the perfect opportunity to procrastinate that work.
I have, however, been doing some serious thinking about what I have learned during my previous sessions. The one that has been rattling around in my head most has to do with One. I had asked about his homeschooling. And, not surprisingly, the most profound answer was actually a question. The question being, what am I trying to create by homeschooling? What type of growth am I trying to nurture? With a reminder that if I want a son who thinks outside the box, I can't teach him a boxed curriculum.
I have also had some interesting positive reinforcements about homeschooling him in the last couple weeks. Having Two home for Christmas break, and babysitting my nieces who attend traditional school gave me some room for comparison. I am able to see how homeschooling One has been instrumental in changing him for the better. He is much more helpful, much more peaceful, and much less judgemental. The social atmosphere at school relies on noticing differences in a more negative fashion, and on competition. This was much more noticeable in Two and my older niece who are in the gifted program than in my niece who is in a mainstream classroom. There is a difference between having a healthy respect for logic, and only respecting logic while disrespecting everything else. I also notice that they place too much importance on being right. That being wrong was to be avoided at all costs.
I find that concept to be very ugly. I feel I can say that without being judgemental because it is a concept I have struggled with in the past. When you are focused on being right, when you are focused on being knowledgeable, on the KNOWING, rather than the LEARNING, you really handicap yourself. There is nothing wrong with saying "I don't know" or "I want to learn that". Learning that not knowing is not a judgement on me has been one of my most important lessons I have ever learned. That's not saying I still don't struggle with it, but the parts of the lesson that I have learned have been extraordinarily freeing. There is no shame in not knowing. It doesn't really matter whether anyone else thinks I SHOULD know something ~ it matters whether I am willing to learn what I don't know.
The chance to pass on this lesson means that I will get to learn this lesson better. Our students bring us the lessons we need to learn. And it is through teaching that I do my best learning. I will strive to teach all of my children, (and I will strive to learn) acceptance and love. Acceptance of myself as I am - and love for myself as I am. I may choose to change who I am, as I grow, but I still love myself. I do not choose to change to make myself worthy of love. I choose to change as I grow - there is no better, no worse, there is only change. God will not love me more for my changing. I will not be more worthy for my changing. I am and always have been a child of Love. I am Love. We all are.
I have, however, been doing some serious thinking about what I have learned during my previous sessions. The one that has been rattling around in my head most has to do with One. I had asked about his homeschooling. And, not surprisingly, the most profound answer was actually a question. The question being, what am I trying to create by homeschooling? What type of growth am I trying to nurture? With a reminder that if I want a son who thinks outside the box, I can't teach him a boxed curriculum.
I have also had some interesting positive reinforcements about homeschooling him in the last couple weeks. Having Two home for Christmas break, and babysitting my nieces who attend traditional school gave me some room for comparison. I am able to see how homeschooling One has been instrumental in changing him for the better. He is much more helpful, much more peaceful, and much less judgemental. The social atmosphere at school relies on noticing differences in a more negative fashion, and on competition. This was much more noticeable in Two and my older niece who are in the gifted program than in my niece who is in a mainstream classroom. There is a difference between having a healthy respect for logic, and only respecting logic while disrespecting everything else. I also notice that they place too much importance on being right. That being wrong was to be avoided at all costs.
I find that concept to be very ugly. I feel I can say that without being judgemental because it is a concept I have struggled with in the past. When you are focused on being right, when you are focused on being knowledgeable, on the KNOWING, rather than the LEARNING, you really handicap yourself. There is nothing wrong with saying "I don't know" or "I want to learn that". Learning that not knowing is not a judgement on me has been one of my most important lessons I have ever learned. That's not saying I still don't struggle with it, but the parts of the lesson that I have learned have been extraordinarily freeing. There is no shame in not knowing. It doesn't really matter whether anyone else thinks I SHOULD know something ~ it matters whether I am willing to learn what I don't know.
The chance to pass on this lesson means that I will get to learn this lesson better. Our students bring us the lessons we need to learn. And it is through teaching that I do my best learning. I will strive to teach all of my children, (and I will strive to learn) acceptance and love. Acceptance of myself as I am - and love for myself as I am. I may choose to change who I am, as I grow, but I still love myself. I do not choose to change to make myself worthy of love. I choose to change as I grow - there is no better, no worse, there is only change. God will not love me more for my changing. I will not be more worthy for my changing. I am and always have been a child of Love. I am Love. We all are.
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