This morning Jim said to me "I miss my wife". I miss her too. Being pregnant can be wonderful but who I am just kind of disappears while I'm pregnant. So much of my life becomes consumed by creating a baby, that I just kind of disappear. Jim misses his wife, the kids miss mom, and I miss myself. It's not that they don't love me as the baby gestator, they just miss the rest of me. I miss the rest of me.
And yet, I am really nervous about meeting Five. It has been so long since we've had a baby, and we've become accustomed to the amount of independence we do have. We are bottle free, diaper free, and 3 of the 4 can now read books without help. We can just get in the van and go. Finding a babysitter is much easier since we don't have to instruct anyone on bottles, bedtime routines, or worry that they know how to take care of a baby. They are all verbal, and we don't have to wonder what hurts - we just have to listen. Restarting this journey with Five will be interesting to say the least.
