none of my business

I have been working with the idea that not only are others' opinions of me not important, they are none of my business. Other people's thoughts and feelings, whether they are about me or not, are none of my business. Their thoughts/judgments about me are more reflections of them than me. Be they good or bad. In today's society, we tend to tell others to discount bad opinions, while we still feed off the good ones. When someone comes crying to us that someone has judged them badly, do we reassure them that 1. they were misjudged and 2. we judge them highly or judge them to be correct?

I have been really trying to integrate this concept into my psyche. That others' opinions are truly none of my business. That they only time I should ask another's opinion is if they are more knowledgeable about a particular subject than me. I should never ask for an opinion if I am merely seeking validation. I need to make my decision based on my thoughts/feelings and whatever knowledge I possess. That's not to say I shouldn't make an uninformed decision. Asking for knowledge is not the same as asking for opinions. I need to have confidence in my decision and myself.

This holds true about opinions offered even when I haven't asked. Or opinions/judgements that may not be offered verbally, but are still evident to me. This is where I have a hard time really integrating this idea.

Case in point: There is a woman I am acquainted with. She is extraordinarily knowledgeable, and extraordinarily kind and loving. She is also a lightworker. Not just to those around her, but to the world. I respect her a great deal. However, her opinion of me is not so great. She would never say so, would never even attempt to let me know this. But, I feel the judgement just the same. And I know that it is not a true reflection of me. I know, intuitively that this judgment is caused by something she carries with her that has nothing at all to do with me. Perhaps I spark/remind her subconscious of a particular person/event somewhere in a past time/life. Perhaps it IS actually a judgement of me that stems from something that happened in a past life. At any rate, I know that her judgement of me has no true bearing on me. I know that it is none of my business, and is merely a sign of an area where she needs to heal. And I sense that she keeps trying to "give me the benefit of the doubt" or in another way of phrasing, that perhaps she herself senses that her feelings towards me don't have a real base. And so I remind myself, time and time again, that there is only one thing I need to do here. Try and send her love and healing energy so that she can heal this area of herself. Not because it is has anything to do with me, but because it is obvious to me that she needs to heal in this area. I would do the same for anyone else, or if she was having the issue with someone else. Yet, I find myself letting this judgement get to me. It hurts me. And so I continue to remind myself that it shouldn't. That it has no bearing on me. I love. I am loved. I am love. Eventually, I will fully integrate that fact.

My cluster

I learned this weekend about clusters of souls. That we are like grape vines. In our cluster, we have the souls that we are journeying closest with. We share a "home" - the place we go back to inbetween lives. The place where we leave a part of our energy when we do reincarnate. Those in our cluster are usually those we are closest to in life. In adjacent clusters, we may find our parents, our children, acquaintances, those who are still close to us, but who don't "click" quite like those in our own cluster. The farther out you go, the less close you are.

Also discussed in this talk (which was about past lives) is the fact that we don't always reincarnate here, on this planet/universe/dimension/fill in the blank. This resonates with me, because I have always felt that I don't fit in here - that I don't usually come here. I worried my mother as a preteen because I insisted I didn't belong here, that I had memories of belonging elsewhere in another planet/universe/dimension, and that she was not my mother.

Also this weekend, in a reading I had done, I was told that I would meet someone new - a male friend. And that, among other things, having this male friend would help alleviate some of the home sickness I have been feeling. Since I live exactly where I was raised, this did not quite make sense at the time. After learning about clusters, it began to make sense to me.

In looking over those in my life, I can't seem to place many people in my cluster. I dearly love those in my life, but I still have this sense of not quite fitting in. It doesn't diminish my love for them in any way. Am I expecting too much for a cluster group? Or has most of my cluster chosen not to reincarnate with me this time? Or have I just not found them yet? Or some other possibility?

When I heard about this "home" I really wanted to book an appt right then and there, so that I can see my home briefly, so I can see those in my group. Because I am home sick. I am hopeful that somewhere out there, there are some more like me, my cluster. Because I'm not sure how I will handle being told that I am an oddball even within my cluster. I know that I am a wonderful person, and I know I have wonderful gifts to share. I know that I am surrounded by loving souls, whom I love and love me in return. I know that I wouldn't wish them away for anything. But the feeling of not quite belonging fitting in can be a lonely one.

Am I just the first of my cluster to move in this direction? Am I leading the way? Or am I just trying to catch up?

I am not trying to escape where I am. I am glad to be here, especially if it is where I am meant to be. If I have contracted to be here and experience this, then I'm all for sticking with it and living it to the fullest. But, that doesn't mean I can't be homesick too. I can miss my home and still live my life to the fullest. I just have to remember that being outside of our comfort zone can be one of the best ways to learn and open my mind. Part of this is, is remembering to live in the moment. It won't do me any good to live outside my comfort zone, if I am busy obsessing over where I'm not. But, I am very much looking forward to [re] meeting someone else from where I'm from. And I still want to schedule a past life regression in order to visit/remember/see my home. A nice visit, a nice reminder is enough.

On a related/unrelated note, I'm manifesting a psychic support group. It is time.

I am hopeful and excited and ready for this next chapter of my journey.

Adrift

Sometimes I feel like I'm adrift, floating. I know there is land in any direction, but I just can't seem to pick a direction. Where am I going? Why? It's a mix of trying to find out who I am, who I was, who I'm meant to be. Of where I'm coming from, where I'm at, where I'm going, and where ultimately I'm meant to end up. I suppose we all have the same issues from time to time. While that provides some measure of comfort, it doesn't make the journey any easier. The fact remains that I am here, looking at myself, wondering how I got here. I love my life, I love my children, and yet this lack of movement is paralyzing me. It's a paradox. If I could move, I wouldn't be paralyzed. If I wasn't paralyzed, I could move. I keep waiting for signs from above. Which I'm sure are arriving regularly, I'm just so mired down that I'm not seeing them. I am ready to raise my eyes. I am ready to remove the veil from my eyes. I am ready to SEE, and most of all I am ready to BE. I am ready to BE all that I am, all that I have always been, all that I have managed to hide from myself and/or the world. I am ready to start swimming. Get ready, world!!

Three

Three is such a mystery to me. I don't know how to parent him. He baffles me. I want so much to understand him and to help him. Sometimes when parenting him seems too much, too overwhelming, I have to sit and remember all the wonderful things about him. One of the things that helps me, is listening to his favorite song. The lyrics always lift me.

Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee,
God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flow’rs before Thee,
Op’ning to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;
Drive the dark of doubt away;
Giver of immortal gladness,
Fill us with the light of day!

All Thy works with joy surround Thee,
Earth and heav’n reflect Thy rays,
Stars and angels sing around Thee,
Center of unbroken praise.
Field and forest, vale and mountain,
Flow’ry meadow, flashing sea,
Singing bird and flowing fountain
Call us to rejoice in Thee.

Thou art giving and forgiving,
Ever blessing, ever blest,
Wellspring of the joy of living,
Ocean depth of happy rest!
Thou our Father, Christ our Brother,
All who live in love are Thine;
Teach us how to love each other,
Lift us to the joy divine.

Mortals, join the happy chorus,
Which the morning stars began;
Father love is reigning o’er us,
Brother love binds man to man.
Ever singing, march we onward,
Victors in the midst of strife,
Joyful music leads us Sunward
In the triumph song of life.

But, in the paradox that is Three, the lyrics to his second favorite song, go something like this

Oh, hot damn, this is my jam....

The vacuum of life

Four decided she could pour her own cereal this morning, and ending up pretty near dumping the box. Because I am not at my best in the morning, she called not only me but One. One decided to help her and vacuumed up the spilled cereal.

Sometimes I really wish someone was around to vacuum up my mistakes, and make everything all better.

Then I remember there is someone to help me. More than one actually. A legion of helpers. They won't do it FOR me, but they are always happy to help.

Thank you Angels. Thank you guides. Thank you God for ALL the helpers you send me, whether I realize they are there or not. Thank you.

Itchy

On a whim, we decided to adopt a second cat. Three was the only one around when it was time to go pick him up, so he became Three's kitten. Meet Itchy.

That's what big brothers are for

During soccer games, it is pretty common for the kids not playing soccer to go hang out with Four on the little playground there. On one particular day, One was playing on one field, and Two on another. So off Three and Four went, with strict instructions to stay on the playground, and not to play in the dirt on the t-ball field next to it.



And then they came back, still hand in hand.


Partners in crime, errr, make that partners in grime.

Three, realizing that perhaps this was not going to over well, decided, perhaps he should clean his sister up just a bit...

and a bit more...

and perhaps a bit more....