Life and the akashic records

I have not been doing my akashic record work as I should.  I have been a bit overwhelmed since Christmas.  Added to all the things stuffed into the last week, Jim threw his back out and has been recovering.  Which means he has been watching tv in our room while in a horizontal position instead of being in the basement in the tv room. Since I usually do my metaphysical work in our room, his back going out gave me the perfect opportunity to procrastinate that work. 

I have, however, been doing some serious thinking about what I have learned during my previous sessions.  The one that has been rattling around in my head most has to do with One.  I had asked about his homeschooling.  And, not surprisingly, the most profound answer was actually a question.  The question being, what am I trying to create by homeschooling?  What type of growth am I trying to nurture?  With a reminder that if I want a son who thinks outside the box, I can't teach him a boxed curriculum. 

I have also had some interesting positive reinforcements about homeschooling him in the last couple weeks.  Having Two home for Christmas break, and babysitting my nieces who attend traditional school gave me some room for comparison.  I am able to see how homeschooling One has been instrumental in changing him for the better.  He is much more helpful, much more peaceful, and much less judgemental.  The social atmosphere at school relies on noticing differences in a more negative fashion, and on competition.  This was much more noticeable in Two and my older niece who are in the gifted program than in my niece who is in a mainstream classroom.  There is a difference between having a healthy respect for logic, and only respecting logic while disrespecting everything else.  I also notice that they place too much importance on being right.  That being wrong was to be avoided at all costs.

I find that concept to be very ugly.  I feel I can say that without being judgemental because it is a concept I have struggled with in the past.  When you are focused on being right, when you are focused on being knowledgeable, on the KNOWING, rather than the LEARNING, you really handicap yourself.  There is nothing wrong with saying "I don't know" or "I want to learn that".  Learning that not knowing is not a judgement on me has been one of my most important lessons I have ever learned.  That's not saying I still don't struggle with it, but the parts of the lesson that I have learned have been extraordinarily freeing.  There is no shame in not knowing.  It doesn't really matter whether anyone else thinks I SHOULD know something ~ it matters whether I am willing to learn what I don't know.  

The chance to pass on this lesson means that I will get to learn this lesson better.  Our students bring us the lessons we need to learn.  And it is through teaching that I do my best learning.  I will strive to teach all of my children, (and I will strive to learn) acceptance and love.  Acceptance of myself as I am - and love for myself as I am.  I may choose to change who I am, as I grow, but I still love myself.  I do not choose to change to make myself worthy of love.  I choose to change as I grow - there is no better, no worse, there is only change.  God will not love me more for my changing.  I will not be more worthy for my changing. I am and always have been a child of Love.  I am Love.  We all are. 

Random thoughts

I attended an Akashic Records workshop this weekend - I have some good tools to use now.  Now, I WILL be using them.  Realistically, though, that may not begin until after Christmas.  I know there is no time like now, but I also am trying not to put unrealistic expectations on myself.

Our Christmas cookies are baking.  I'm trying not to put unrealistic expectations on myself here either, but I would like some snowballs, I just don't know if I want to make snowballs. :-)

I am at peace.  Everything may not get done this year, but it will be wonderful, and enough for all of us.  Enough is good.  Too much is just as bad as too little.  Perhaps worse.

Happy Holidays.

How much is too much?

I am trying to be more open about where I am going, and what I am trying to build in my life. Meaning, I'm trying to be more open about my metaphysical beliefs, and that I'm trying to raise my vibration, to learn the lessons I need to learn, to re-discover what I am meant to do this time around - my divine purpose, if you will. I also know that I am meant to sow seeds. And sowing seeds definitely does not involve shoving anything down anyone's throat, or using force, or overwatering it, if you will. So, I'm currently trying to discover how much is enough vs. how much is too much? I am trying to make my decisions on what I speak of based on two basic questions I ask myself - 1. Am I avoiding saying it because of fear of judgement? and 2. Am I saying it because I want validation? Both of those questions need to be no, or else I am speaking (or not speaking) for the wrong reasons. Answering those questions is not always easy, though! And I'm not always sure that I am being honest with myself. But, asking the questions is the first part. Practice makes perfect. And not trying for fear of not doing it right is not an option. Fake it 'til I make it! :-)

A bit of the mundane

I don't have any deep thoughts rolling around in my head that are ready to come out just yet, but in the interest of getting into and staying in the habit of writing this blog, I thought I'd write a little of the mundane going on in my world. I went for an OB visit today, and Five's heartbeat sounded wonderful - everything looks right on course. I scheduled my ultrasound - yay! I am very excited to know if this baby is a boy or a girl, so that I can begin planning. And making a baby blankie! In three weeks, we will know. I am going to ask my little one to please cooperate and show momma the goods! :-)

I did let my OB know that I will not be taking the h1n1 vaccine. I asked him instead to send me home with a Tamiflu prescription. It is currently being filled. This way, it is in the house, and I don't have to worry about there being a run on Tamiflu if I DO happen to catch the swine flu. He made sure that he let me know the CDC's and the OB association (can't remember the proper name) stand on it, but didn't give me a hard time about my decision. I was prepared to stand behind my decision if pushed, but he did not push me.

After my appointment, I stopped at the library to pick up some books for Two, who is home sick. Poor guy. :-( He does seem better today, but I will be keeping him home tomorrow as well. Apparently there is a very large number of children sick in his school. But, as far as illnesses go, this one has been relatively easy to navigate. A headache, sore throat and slight fever that are easily managed by ibuprofen, and no upset stomach. He was supposed to have a well visit tomorrow, but I called and changed to a sick visit, just to be sure it isn't bacterial. Which is unlikely considering the large number of children that are currently suffering from the same symptoms! (Although some have high fevers, so I am thankful that Two's is only a slight one).

Now I am going to shove a lemon up a chicken's rear end and throw it in my oven! Ciao!

Weekends no more

It is becoming apparent that we no longer have "weekends" - we have "project days" instead. This weekend, we have to make government trading cards and fill out a student of the week poster. Should be fun! :-)

Is it so wrong?

I don't want to clean. I don't want to make One do his homeschooling. I certainly don't want to run errands, or go fill out paperwork, or catch up on my piles and piles of paperwork. I want to take One to the library, get out a bunch of books and read for days and days, or at least hours!!!

That would be my idea of a vacation! Of a day spent doing what I want to do! :-)

Differences are what make the world go 'round

I believe we all need to follow our own path and that diversity is a good thing. But, often we find our path by watching others. We may watch John, Susie, and Freddie. And we may learn from them, and then create our own process, borrowing some pieces from each of them, and doing some things completely different.

In theory, this is a great idea. In reality, we do often put it into play. The problem for me, is in the areas where we tend to not be open as a society. Like, motherhood. Most of motherhood is behind closed doors. Especially the nitty gritty parts. And so, when I'm trying to figure out the best way to mother my four very individual children, I don't have enough examples to draw my own conclusions, to create my own plan. Not to mention the area of how we each handle being a mother, and balancing that. Especially when I'm struggling to define who I am at any given moment.

I understand the concept of prayer and meditation and listening to your guides. In other areas of my life, I can expect inspiration to come through my guides based on what they put in my path. This is not so easy with motherhood, because of the lack of obvious examples, the unavailability of examples. Which means I need to listen more from within. Which is a tall order. I'm just learning to pay attention to the examples/inspiration that they throw in my way in very obvious (though not always to me) ways.

I am currently struggling with who I am, what it means to be me, what it means to be a mother, how to be a mother, how to be a teacher, how to be a wife, how to be me. How to uncover the facets of myself that are hidden. How to celebrate who I am. How to reconcile my wants to be a good mother, good person, with the day to day demands of discipline and cleaning. Of unorganization. Of a billion things I want to get done, but can't seem to get motivated to do. I am tired of working - of cleaning, of not knowing what to do. I mean, I know I need to do the dishes, I need to take care of laundry, etc etc. And yet I really deeply don't want to. I have this sense of being a hamster on a wheel, and it makes me so unbearably sad. I don't want to be a hamster on a wheel. I want to embrace my life, and enjoy every aspect of it. And I'm not, and I can't figure out how to break that pattern. And then I begin to resent myself for repeating this pattern. I am missing the forest for trees, and yet I can't seem to pull my eyes away and look at the bigger picture.

I am writing this in hopes that by clearly defining what isn't working in my life, my angels and guides will help me find a way to change it. A way to get me to notice what they have no doubt been telling me.

In looking back over my post, though, I notice I am breaking so many rules of manifestation. What DO I want?

• I want to find inspiration and joy in everything I do, even and especially the mundane.
• I want to enjoy my children and my husband
  
• I want to SEE my children and my husband and their needs
• I want to follow my path
• I want to KNOW my path
• I want to find fulfillment in the mundane, and the not mundane
• I want to live in a house that is clean, full of love, and organized