Differences are what make the world go 'round

I believe we all need to follow our own path and that diversity is a good thing. But, often we find our path by watching others. We may watch John, Susie, and Freddie. And we may learn from them, and then create our own process, borrowing some pieces from each of them, and doing some things completely different.

In theory, this is a great idea. In reality, we do often put it into play. The problem for me, is in the areas where we tend to not be open as a society. Like, motherhood. Most of motherhood is behind closed doors. Especially the nitty gritty parts. And so, when I'm trying to figure out the best way to mother my four very individual children, I don't have enough examples to draw my own conclusions, to create my own plan. Not to mention the area of how we each handle being a mother, and balancing that. Especially when I'm struggling to define who I am at any given moment.

I understand the concept of prayer and meditation and listening to your guides. In other areas of my life, I can expect inspiration to come through my guides based on what they put in my path. This is not so easy with motherhood, because of the lack of obvious examples, the unavailability of examples. Which means I need to listen more from within. Which is a tall order. I'm just learning to pay attention to the examples/inspiration that they throw in my way in very obvious (though not always to me) ways.

I am currently struggling with who I am, what it means to be me, what it means to be a mother, how to be a mother, how to be a teacher, how to be a wife, how to be me. How to uncover the facets of myself that are hidden. How to celebrate who I am. How to reconcile my wants to be a good mother, good person, with the day to day demands of discipline and cleaning. Of unorganization. Of a billion things I want to get done, but can't seem to get motivated to do. I am tired of working - of cleaning, of not knowing what to do. I mean, I know I need to do the dishes, I need to take care of laundry, etc etc. And yet I really deeply don't want to. I have this sense of being a hamster on a wheel, and it makes me so unbearably sad. I don't want to be a hamster on a wheel. I want to embrace my life, and enjoy every aspect of it. And I'm not, and I can't figure out how to break that pattern. And then I begin to resent myself for repeating this pattern. I am missing the forest for trees, and yet I can't seem to pull my eyes away and look at the bigger picture.

I am writing this in hopes that by clearly defining what isn't working in my life, my angels and guides will help me find a way to change it. A way to get me to notice what they have no doubt been telling me.

In looking back over my post, though, I notice I am breaking so many rules of manifestation. What DO I want?

• I want to find inspiration and joy in everything I do, even and especially the mundane.
• I want to enjoy my children and my husband
  
• I want to SEE my children and my husband and their needs
• I want to follow my path
• I want to KNOW my path
• I want to find fulfillment in the mundane, and the not mundane
• I want to live in a house that is clean, full of love, and organized